If Dr. Seuss Wrote Trek Fanfic
by Shayney
Summary: The title says it all! (P/K)


If Dr. Seuss Wrote Trek Fanfic

**Rating: ** PG-13   
**Codes:** P/K   
**Date Posted:** 19 January 2001   
**Summary:** For the challenge Lori issued on ASC: "If _____ wrote Trek fanfic." Blatant ripoff of _Green Eggs and Ham_! 

Characters and situations owned by Paramount/Viacom. Used without permission. No copyright infringement intended. 

  


If Dr. Seuss Wrote Trek Fanfic 

by [Shayney][1]

  
_Harry, tell me, are you gay?_

I like you, Tom, but not that way.   
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_Would you do me here or there?_

I would not do you here or there.   
I would not do you anywhere.   
I like you, Tom, but not that way.   
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_Would you do me in a chute?   
Did you like me as a newt?_

I would not do you in a chute.   
I would not do it with a newt.   
I would not do you here or there.   
I would not do you anywhere.   
I like you, Tom, but not that way.   
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_How about in a Borg cube?   
Or inside a Jeffries tube?_

Not in a cube.   
Not in a tube.   
Not in a chute.   
Not with a newt.   
I would not do you here or there.   
I would not do you anywhere.   
I like you, Tom, but not that way.   
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_Would you? Could you?   
In the _Flyer_?   
Do me! Do me!   
Take me higher._

I would not, could not, in the _Flyer_. 

_You may like it.   
You will see.   
You may like it in a tree!_

I would not, could not in a tree.   
Not in the _Flyer_! You let me be.   
I will not do you in a cube.   
I will not do you in a tube.   
I will not do you in a chute.   
I will not do it with a newt.   
I will not do you here or there.   
I will not do you anywhere.   
I like you, Tom, but not that way.   
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_A car! A car!   
A car! A car!   
Could you, would you, in my car?_

Not in your car! Not in a tree!   
Not in the _Flyer_! Tom! Let me be!   
I would not, could not, in a cube.   
I could not, would not, in a tube.   
I will not do it with a newt.   
I will not do you in a chute.   
I will not do you here or there.   
I will not do you anywhere.   
I like you, Tom, but not that way.   
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_Say!   
In the dark? Here in the dark!   
Would you, could you, in the dark?_

I would not, could not, in the dark. 

_How about in Sandrine's bar?_

I would not, could not, in a bar.   
Not in the dark. Not in your car.   
Not on the _Flyer_. Not in a tree.   
I do not want you, Tom, you see.   
Not in a cube. Not in a chute.   
Not in a tube. Not with a newt.   
I will not do you here or there.   
I will not do you anywhere! 

_You're sure you don't like me that way?_

Sorry, Tom. I am not gay. 

_Could you, would you, in your sleep?_

I would not, could not, in my sleep. 

_Would you, could you, with a sheep?_

I could not, would not, with a sheep!!!   
I will not, will not, in my sleep.   
I will not do you in a bar.   
I will not do you in your car.   
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!   
Not on the _Flyer_! You let me be!   
I will not do you in a cube.   
Nor inside a Jeffries tube.   
I will not do you in a chute.   
I will not do it with a newt.   
I will not do you here or there.   
I will not do you ANYWHERE!   
I like you, Tom, but not that way.   
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_You do not like it.   
So you say.   
Try it! Try it!   
And you may.   
Try it and you may, I say._

Tom!   
If you will let me be, I will try it.   
You will see. 

........... 

Hey!   
Tom, I _do_ like you this way!   
I do! I like it! I _am_ gay!   
And I would do you in my sleep.   
(You can forget about the sheep.)   
And I would do you in your car.   
And in the dark. And in a bar.   
And on the _Flyer_. And in a tree.   
You are so good, so good, you see!   
So I would do you in a cube.   
And inside a Jeffries tube.   
And I would do you in a chute.   
And even if you were a newt.   
And I will do you here and there.   
Hey! I will do you ANYWHERE!   
I do so like doing you this way!   
Thank you! Thank you, Tom, I say. 

  
  
[Visit Shayney's Webpage][2]

   [1]: mailto:ShayneyL@aol.com
   [2]: http://members.aol.com/ShayneyL/



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